Hi there. So, last night was kinda big for me. I attended a bible study with my husband for the first time since my teens, and all week I just wasn’t sure I could do it. I struggle with anxiety – not across the board, but in a few, specific categories, and one major category that causes extreme anxiety for me is praying out loud with adults (I have no problem praying with my children, if no other adults are around). I do have a history that created, or at the very least, worsened, this anxiety, so I understand where it comes from, but I’ve never been able to overcome it. As a result, I had chosen what I thought was the easy route of just avoiding situations where praying out loud might be involved, when in fact, it just caused me more anxiety. I live in a family of believers, and go to church regularly – prayer could happen at any time! I could be asked to say the blessing at the dinner table (nightmare!)! When all I had to do, and should have done a long, long time ago, was just be honest about it, like I was last night. I opened up, and told the small group of ladies, I had just met for the first time, about my anxiety, and while my heart would be in agreement with them as they prayed, and I would consistently pray throughout the week for the people and topics that were mentioned, I wouldn’t be able to physically pray out loud with them. I’m hopeful that one day I can, but I’m just not there, yet. And you know what? Even though I felt scared, embarrassed, and ashamed to admit these things out loud, I felt such an overwhelming relief, after I did so. I slayed my dragon. Well, wounded him pretty durn good, anyway.
Although yesterday was an absolute marathon of a day, I woke up feeling lighter – bouncy, even – as drug my very tired body out of bed, this morning. I contemplated last night, and thought how beautiful it is of the Lord to give us struggles and weaknesses, so we can humble ourselves to become vulnerable enough to trust, and rely on Him, and to connect, and gain encouragement, and support from other fellow believers. I was so touched by the grace and kindness in how the ladies in my group responded to what I had to say, and am still connecting the simplistic, yet profound, dots this morning of how significant it all is in my Walk with Christ. None of us is perfect. We all have flaws, insecurities, weaknesses, failings – we all fall short – and these exact weaknesses are what should ever draw us closer to Christ, our loving Heavenly Father. I have the kind of personality that prefers to shoulder my struggles, and not burden anyone with them, but the root of this is actually pride. It’s hard to admit my shortcomings; it’s scary to make myself vulnerable, but humility and vulnerability are two very essential qualities that are needed to deepen relationships – any relationship – but especially the One I care about most: the one with My Savior. One particular thing my pastor said last night that struck me – that always strikes me, really – is that Christ never gives up on us. He pursues us patiently, lovingly, uniquely, and individually, according to who we are, and where we are. He knows, and calls us by name. How incredibly humbling and beautiful is that?? The King of All Kings knows my name. And He loves me. He knows your name, and He loves you the same.
Yet again, I went off on a personal tangent that has nothing to do with a silly style post, but I felt so compelled to share – maybe just to validate in writing some things I’m currently learning, and experiencing. This life thing is hard, and I just feel that if we’re open enough to share, we can learn, and/or connect, and support each other along the way.:)
Now that my perhaps “over-sharing” is complete, I’m ready to move on to the super-profound style topic of Overall Culottes. These are the very first pair I’ve tried, and I’m really loving them! They have a fun, simple, 70s vibe, that I’m diggin’.;) Shopped these, and some other great finds for you, below, today. Plus, these wrap sandals!! Eeeek!!
Blessings to you, today, my friends!
Stylist + Mama x 4